A Threesome, how to get the wife interested

[TheGreatRaja]

I this is been discussed before please post a like to the thread...

Ok.. Here goes.

I'm 44 and my wife 43. We have been married for almost 13 years. I have been talking to people on other boards and come to the conclusion I would like to introduce my wife to another person in the bed room. Haven't at the point decided on either a MFM or a MFF.

I have brought the subject up to the wife and her normal response is
No... Not in this life time ... or other such negative responses.
Last night she said that she wouldn't consider it because it you 'Violate the Sanctity' of our marriage..

So tell me, since my wife is very straight laced and all is there any chance I could change her mind, or am I wasting my time even discussing it with her

[TNT]

Discussing anything with your wife/SO is never a waste of time...but, badgering someone to try something they don't want to...not good.

Your question is definitely one we see a lot around here. Here's a few links to other threads.

http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...ife+interested

http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...ife+interested

http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...ife+interested

http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...ife+interested

And a link to the Archives that has a whole list of threads dealing with this issue.

http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...play.php?f=131


Teresa

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by TheGreatRaja

So tell me, since my wife is very straight laced and all is there any chance I could change her mind, or am I wasting my time even discussing it with her

Nothing wrong with trying to discuss it with her, but you aren't going to change her mind for her. She will have to do that herself.

You can bring it up occasionally, and see if the reaction changes. Don't force the issue though, unless you want to ensure she digs in and becomes hostile to the conversation.

[TheGreatRaja]

thanks.. granted I seem to be stymied by how to respond to the Sanctity of Marriage comment

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by TheGreatRaja

No... Not in this life time ... or other such negative responses.

Just for info. In this Lifestyle no means NO, even when it comes from your wife.

This is not something she wants to do. This Lifestyle is NOT for everyone.

You should accept that.

[fun4Ds]

Welcome to the Swingers Board Raja.

Do you think you could be honest with your wife and tell her, because you value the sanctity of your marriage yourself. This is just something you are curious about. How we feel, and why this actually goes with the sanctity of our marriages.That your just trying to learn something in your life about this. Tell her about this web site and you just want to explore ideas from people like us. Things like how we communicate about issues we have that also overlap in the vanilla life as well.

Its better to show your honesty about what you are doing, and just ask if learning and exploring with honest intentions is o.k.? Show her you have nothing to hide.

[Scott & JoAnn]

Originally Posted by TheGreatRaja

So tell me, since my wife is very straight laced and all is there any chance I could change her mind, or am I wasting my time even discussing it with her

Never say never, but in your case I'd say you have no chance and you are wasting you time.

Scott

[iapr]

Originally Posted by TheGreatRaja

thanks.. granted I seem to be stymied by how to respond to the Sanctity of Marriage comment

First off you can not get someone interested in swinging and it sounds like your wife's core beliefs are not conducive to any kind of meaningfull dialog about anything other than traditional monogamous marriage. Statements like, "not in this lifestime," are pretty black and white and don't leave much room for interpretation.

The only reason I am responding at all is because my wife and I have made comments like this to each other at various points in our marriage yet here we are.

So to address the comment you made here I will mention this. I don't see swinging as violating the santity of our marriage at all but rather it is just one small piece of our overall sexual dynamic as a couple. In other words it is just a part of our maritial sex life. We have a normal martial sex life just like anyone else out there but every now and then we include other people into the bedroom and that just provides some extra excitement and stimulation to our sexual experience. When we have an encounter we are making love to each other as a married couple, there just happens to be another married couple there providing a little extra stimulation for us and we do the same for them.

So to get back to your original question, I would lay million to one odds that you will not be doing any swinging and that if you were to keep pestering her about it you may even end up in divorce court.

There is a reason that 99.9999999999% of the earths population are nonswingers and strong core beliefs that monogamy is the only appropriate form of sexual expression is one of the main reasons for that.

[sweet_tna]

You can lead your spouse to swinging, but you can't make 'em swing.

=)

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by TheGreatRaja

thanks.. granted I seem to be stymied by how to respond to the Sanctity of Marriage comment

That is an answer you are going to have to discover on your own. How do YOU answer the quesiton of does this violate the sanctity of your marriage?

There are some threads here that do discuss this as well:

http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...ad.php?t=35431
http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/...splay.php?f=60

[Spoomonkey]

The "Blue Raja" would simply suggest spooning (Mystery Men reference... Forgive me if you don't get it).

I don't think anyone here is going to be able to tell you how to "get her past" her resistance. She feels how she feels - and most men around here didn't "talk" their wives into it.

The first step is really respecting her. Start there. You'd be surprised by just how much respecting her will accomplish. It will give her the freedom and confidence to talk you about the things she really wants. Who knows - you may end up in threesomes, or at a BDSM club with whip marks, or on some beach somewhere watching her para-sail.

Women really do want to live life to the fullest - when they feel like they can do so without undue pressure form their husbands who - of course - want lots of sex. Your trick is to find out what "life to its fullest" means to her.

If it turns out being threesomes, come back and tell us!

Spoomonkey

[BiloxiCouple]

The "Blue Raja" would simply suggest spooning (Mystery Men reference... Forgive me if you don't get it).

Spooning, forking, or utensils in general, silverware preferred - Blue Raja

[varangian]

Originally Posted by TheGreatRaja

So tell me, since my wife is very straight laced and all is there any chance I could change her mind, or am I wasting my time even discussing it with her

This is a problem you share with me and many other guys. Perhaps we are to clumsy in our approach - Casanova or some other great expert at seduction might have more success. Many women must be coaxed into new sexual activities, but swinging is a bit extreme, and it will take time - and admirable perseverance - to get her to change her mind. In the end our girls might realize that we are worth a treat - so don´t let´s give up! V

[JoeCentralNY]

Originally Posted by Scott & JoAnn

Never say never, but in your case I'd say you have no chance and you are wasting you time.

Scott

Raja,
Great questions....only time will tell. And communication is key. I haven't swung yet, but my wife started out VERY straight laced and has made great "progress."

Don't let negative responses get you down. You don't know who is responding from their computer and they may be a lonely, relationshipless person who is just posing as a swinger -- complete with pics and a b.s. story. There are more than a few of them here. You'll see how defensive they get!

Always have hope, keep things fun and most importantly enjoy the ride (pun intended).

[volunteerguy]

I am in the same situation. My wife is very sexy 36DDs Hot Body we watch movies together and she has toys and we are going to Desires a lifestyle resort but she want commit to playing with others. Hoping Desire trip will change her approach to the idea.

We both will keep proding our mates.